Carter Road has always been the place where politicians, businesses and social activist girls from South Bombay experiment with pandering to the electorate. The giant sundial that doesn’t work, the eyesore of a monument to a dude who hits a ball with a stick, separate parks for dogs and children, an entire day where they block off cars so entitled rich kids can play football, it’s all bullshit.
I remember when Carter Road belonged to the people of Bandra, a quiet space where you could walk in peace, feel the cool sea breeze in your hair, and eat corn on the cob while you stood the rocks wondering the sun went at night. Now it’s infested by speeding bikers, cops who don’t let you smoke, self righteous animal lovers and tweens who really ought to be in school. The only reason I even go there anymore is to hide bodies in the mangroves.
As if all of this wasn’t bad enough, the government is planning to open a new bicycle lane on Carter Road this November, which means Carter Road is getting a bicycle lane in December 2025 that’ll be 500% over budget. This is a serious problem. Cyclists are the vegans of transportation; I’ll be damned before I let those health and environmental conscious fascists take over the street I love. If you want to cycle, do it on SV road.
The new track will stretch from Otter’s Club right up to the Tendulkar memorial near Cafe Coffee Day, which still exists and comes after repeated demands from Bandra residents. And by Bandra residents I mean five chicks from Jai Hind College who spent a gap year in Italy, but the government still refuses my proposal to build a border wall at Andheri and make Borivali pay for it.
The Decree: If you plan on cycling on the new track you better wear a helmet because somebody whose name I can’t disclose might attempt to kick a football at you.