Farid Seekh Kebab Center, Jogeshwari

We’ve had a distaste for immigrants ever since a horde of migrating wildebeest murdered one of our mane men Mufasa back in ’94. That being said, the Mughal emperors that fought their way into this great land half a millennium ago were no mere immigrants. They were conquerers, pioneers, and explorers, and they brought with them a rich culture of art, architecture, and kebabs. We often argue about the Islamic world’s greatest contribution to Indian society. Some say it’s algebra, while others contend it’s the toothbrush; but in our opinion, it’s polygamy; which we fully intend on practising once we get funded by Zomato.

Farid Seekh Kebab Centre is situated in the centre of busy market, & the first thing you’ll notice is the massive, roaring coal stove with an industrial fan perpendicular to the grill, which makes for an impressive inferno and great pictures if you have a competent photographer. Which we do not. The seating is shared, and the patrons are all men who make their disdain for you no secret when you ask for cutlery; of which there is none.

You do however get your own deep fried paratha to accompany your kebabs, which are covered in varying layers of foliage. The paratha is crisp and delicious, but also really oily and heavy. We suggest filling up on the kebabs plain, or with some pav from next door, because the addition of the paratha turns this into a pretty heavy meal.

The kebabs are definitely not mutton, but whatever they’re made of, is as incredible as it is illegal. They’re dripping with juices & are succulent as hell, and utterly dwarf most other kebabs double the price. Were they the best we’ve ever had? Not by a long shot, but for just sixty bucks a plate you’d be hard pressed to find quality meat for as suspiciously cheap.

So, would we recommend the Farid Seekh Kebab? Yes, so long as you promise not to disrupt the local ecosystem by bringing women.

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