Conquering Global Fusion; The All You Can Eat Buffet

Global Fusion, Bandra has an all you can eat buffet that truly is a testament to human gluttony and degeneracy. But we aren’t here to talk about the ethics of stuffing yourself just because you can; we’re here to talk about one thing and one thing only, good food. And as far as good food goes, Global Fusion has a lot of it; the only problem is it’s a little too much.

Conquering a buffet means getting your money’s worth, having a good meal, and of course trying the all the best items on the menu, naturally, this requires an effective strategy that can take years of professional bingeing and some degree of a tragic oral fixation to perfect. Fortunately for you, we at The Bombay Report have devised the ultimate blueprint to defeating Global Fusion’s buffet’s killer line up. All you need is a some money, an iron stomach and close friend for motivation and to stop you from choking on a stray prawn shell.

Tbr Insight: If you’re planning to try out the Global Fusion Buffet, I seriously suggest you skip breakfast and possibly the previous day’s dinner. That could seriously ruin your appetite. We aren’t fucking around.

Sushi Counter

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The easiest place to eat your money back is the sushi counter, where’ll you’ll find such gems like sashimi and sushi rolls, granted they aren’t the best you can find in the city, but they are premium seafood and they are oddly delicious when you dip them in wasabi. We found five items at the sushi counter particularly worth trying out;

1) Pepper Fish: One of the first things that’ll greet you when you start your quest to conquer Global Fusion, as its name suggests it tastes of pepper and is served cold, which is a pity because it would have been absolutely delicious if it was any warmer. It isn’t really sushi, but it’s been at the sushi counter for as long as I can remember.

2) Wakami Prawn Salad: I’d never normally ask people to consider eating a salad, but prawns flavoured in a light, spicy dressing is way too good to miss. If salad isn’t your thing, which it really shouldn’t be, you could just pluck out individual prawns with the tongs.

3) California Roll: The California Roll is a faux crab meat sushi roll, and while most sushi is blander than Kristen Stewart’s facial expression, the California Roll is sweet from the crab. Try it with just the soy, wasabi only ruins it.

4) Crispy Spinach

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Spinach isn’t traditionally associated with things like taste, but Global Fusion’s crispy spinach is, dare I say, arguably my favourite item on the whole buffet menu. It’s deep fried, sugary spinach with a few peanuts added to the mix and is insanely good, almost addictive. That being said, filling up on spinach isn’t going to help you get your money’s worth, so don’t overdo it, as hard as it may be.

Starters Counter:

The starters counter is where the real magic happens, unlike the seemingly tasteless sushi and unnecessarily filling main course, the starters are delicious, light and let’s not forget, they give you a leg up on dat paisa vasool.

1) Baked Cheese Prawn

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50% prawn, 50% cheese; what more could you possibly ask for? The baked cheese prawn is brilliant; it’s the right amount of crunchy on the outside and perfect amount of gooey and cheesy on the inside. Make sure you don’t accidently swallow a prawn tail; that could quickly escalate into a nasty situation.

2) Steamed Lemon Fish

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The Steamed Lemon Fish is a relatively new addition to the Global Fusion buffet menu; It comes wrapped in a leaf and tastes exactly like what you assume a spa would taste like, oddly Asian, but really good. As a professional food critic I would describe the taste as lemony.

3) Dory Fish

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The Dory Fish came to be presumably because some sicko saw Finding Nemo and thought ‘I wonder how I can use this to traumatise little children’. But I digress, it’s actually pretty good, especially the oyster sauce they slather it with.

4) Prawn Teppenyaki

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Arguably the best starter on the menu, the Prawn Teppenyaki is a spicy, delicious stir fry of large succulent prawns in garlic and chillies. Always ask for a second plate. Always.

5) Sui Mai

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The sui mai is a dumplingesque mixture of prawn and chicken, it is pretty bland in itself but still makes for a starter worth trying, and while I personally didn’t care for the prawn dumpling, I did enjoy the simplicity of the sui mai. You can’t eat at an Asian restaurant and not have a dumpling.

Snacks Counter:

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With such wastes of time like aloo tikki and veg money bags, you can pretty much skip the snacks counter entirely; but you would run the risk of missing out on the prawn crackers which are pretty good if not a bit filling (I ate 18). I’m no fan of the snacks counter, but I do like watching the chefs whip stuff up from behind the glass partition.

Main Course Counter:

If you’ve been following along correctly, by the time you get to the main course, the sight of food should make you sick. Hang in there, you’re almost done. The main course counter is how the fat cats at China Gate trick you into filling up on rice and, for some reason, dal makhani. I think the main course is a waste of time, and more importantly, a waste of stomach space.

1) Singapore Crab: The only item at the main course counter worth having is the Singapore Crab which is tiny crabs in a sweet chilli sauce. You don’t really have to worry about making a mess cleaning the crab because they can be eaten whole. At least that’s what I do; please don’t tell me it’s weird.

Dessert Counter:

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Global Fusion’s dessert counter is its Achilles Heel, the pastries look shady and the Ice Cream is from Baskin Robbins, yet somehow they always manage to pick the ten flavours absolutely nobody will like. Although they have a large selection of little cakes and bites, none of them really stand out as greats desserts. Our suggestion is to load up on Baskin Robbins, which at around 100 bucks a scoop out in the real world, should help earn your money back in no time. If you’re lucky enough, they might even have your flavour (gold medal ribbon, anyone?). You can’t go wrong with the Gulab Jamun though.

Lunch at Global Fusion on a weekday will set you back by Rs.760 including taxes.

 

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