Lord Of Buns, Bandra; Tiny Restaurant, Giant Burgers

At The Bombay Report, we’re always the first to apologise, for even the most minor infractions. It’s a tragic side effect of our Catholic upbringing. Was it unkind for us to have sent members of our staff into the elaborate network of lanes around Pali Hill to chase down random expats and demand they present us with their papers? Yes. Do we regret it? Also yes; but only because we got beaten up by a couple of Ukrainian male models. Still, our sacrifice will go a long way in un-gentrifying Bandra, and giving it back to you, the people; & for that, we will never apologise.

Our fight to reclaim Mumbai’s most Holy Land is but one of our innumerable side projects, but at the end of the day we’re still all about good food. Perhaps our most elusive challenge to date has been finding the perfect hotdog. Over the course of our illustrious careers, spanning 2 years, we’ve come across some pretty amazing burgers, ribs, pizzas, and fries, often in places no one would expect, but for some inexplicable reason, we’d yet to find a decent hotdog. As fate would have it, our Sunday evening patrol to protect homeland security led us to discover a very small restaurant off Pali Naka, that just so happened to sell some.

When we say Lord Of Buns is small, we mean it’s tiny. We almost mistook it for a delivery kitchen, & were forced to rearrange their entire porch to accommodate for the more horizontally challenged members of our team. There was a cat guarding the entrance, who didn’t seem fazed at all by our attempts to shoo it away by barking, and a small Buddha waterfall that felt a bit out of place. We decided to sit outside, overlooking quite possibly the most beautiful construction site ever, with potted plants adorning its high, reinforced walls. It was a bit hot, and if we’re being honest, they could really have used a table fan, but apart from that, and the noticeable lack of legroom, Lord Of Buns strangely still had a really likeable aura to it. Because we’re all about making deals, we ordered a special combo; that included two of their signature items, the LOB hotdog and a Beef Chilli Burger.

LOB Hotdog

Rs. 300

The LOB hotdog was genuinely nice, except for one fatal flaw, the sausage, which although the menu said was smoked chicken, tasted pretty regular. Still, the bacon bits were perfectly fried, the bun held firm throughout, despite being brutally assaulted by at least 13 different sauces; so close to being perfect, yet so far. Also, for some reason, they cut up the sausage into little slivers and placed them throughout the roll, instead of one, intact hot dog, which we think would have made all the difference. We were also very impressed by the way they painstakingly stacked our fries one by one, like they were logs of wood on a pyre; it might have added an extra 15 minutes to our waiting time, but it was totally worth it.

Beef Chilli Burger

Rs. 425

We went to Lord Of Buns looking for a great hotdog, and not quite finding it. You’d think that would leave us disappointed, but we weren’t. What we did find was a truly great burger called the Beef Chilli Burger, with one of the most perfectly executed patties we’ve come across to date, along with some top notch melted cheddar cheese and jalapeños. The fries, quite predictably, were arranged in a manner that can only be described as unnecessary. Any reader of this website knows that we greatly value tenacity and structural integrity in our sandwiches. The buns, however, were too soft, & ill-equipped to handle the sheer load of the patty, making the burger much messier than it needed to be. Still, it truly was an incredible, fulfilling meal.

The Decree: Lord Of The Buns does have a few quirks that need to be addressed; like the lack of space and fans, but once they get them out of the way, we can all expect to see a truly great restaurant, which we’d definitely recommend. Until then, your best bet is ordering in, and trust us, you will not be disappointed.

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