Stacks And Racks: The Greatest Place In The World

This is a tragic day for The Bombay Report family, as are most days, but this isn’t about us; it’s about something much bigger and more important than we are, a restaurant we discovered in Malad that’s so good you almost forget it’s in Malad. Its name, Stacks And Racks.

You can find Stacks And Racks right opposite the Toyota showroom not too far from Infinity Mall 2, and if you survive crossing that treacherous stretch of Link Road you’re in for a real treat, we lost some good men on the way, but it’s a sacrifice we were willing to make. Stacks And Racks is the probably most American restaurant in this city, complete with state licence plates nailed to the walls, a poster of Donald Trump eating a cheeseburger in the bathroom, and the Star Spangled Banner hanging from the ceiling.

But the reason that makes it my favourite place in the world has to be the food. This isn’t just good food, though. It’s almost like manna from heaven, if manna from heaven was really just pork imported from Texas. And it’s unbelievably well priced. It’s almost like they don’t want to make a profit.

Pulled Pork Poutine

Price: Rs.219

poutine

In any decent restaurant in Mumbai, the most rudimentary plate of French fries and cheese would cost you about Rs.250, but Stacks And Rack’s poutine is far from simply rudimentary. The fries are perfectly good, the cheese is molten, and it comes infused with some of the best pulled pork I’ve ever had. Pulled pork is basically just pork that’s been cooked over several hours so it pretty much melts in your mouth. I can honestly say I’ve never had a plate of fries I’ve enjoyed more.

Louisiana Chicken Wings

Price: Rs.249

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The Louisiana Chicken Wings are oddly appealing, they’re sour and spicy which is a strange combination but somehow just works. It comes with a dip, but you’ll be better off having them unadulterated, as nature intended or at least with a delicious glass of pink lemonade.

Cuban Mojo Sandwich

Price: Rs.299

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The word that best describes the Cuban Mojo Sandwich is quaint. It tastes mainly of mustard with stray bits of pickle every now and then. It’s basically just a ham sandwich with cheese, but that would be like calling Michelangelo’s David a piece of metamorphic rock, what I mean to say is it’s a lot more fulfilling than the sum of its ingredients.

Beer Battered Fish

Price: Rs.389

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Derrick The Intern says he likes his fish the way he likes his women, beered up & battered, which in retrospect should be a red flag. But I’m not going to let the snide comments of an unapologetic misogynist ruin a perfectly good dish. The Battered Fish is tasteless, a bit like English Fish n’ Chips. We needed a kick of flavour, and they gave us a Barbeque Mayo, which for lack of a better word is wonderful. You may think me a homosexual for using that word to describe something, but try it and tell me it isn’t the best thing in the world. I’m talking about the Barbecue Mayo, not homosexuality, which is sinful.

The T-Rex

Price: Rs.349

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The T-Rex is named after the Tyrannosaurus Rex, a species of carnivorous dinosaur still extant in Malad. It’s a ground up tenderloin steak burger with bits of bacon and fried egg to top it all off. It tasted excellent despite it being our fifth dish of the day.

Sirloin Steak Price:

Rs.399

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Sirloin, is one of the finest cuts of beef, or as we call it so as to not be murdered in our own homes; buffalo. It is, as its name suggests a big chunk of steak that would cost you a small fortune unless you own your own personal ranch. If there’s one reason to go to Stacks And Racks, it’s the steak. Good steak in Mumbai is really hard to come by, so it’s a good thing that none of the meat here is actually from Mumbai.

TBR Insight: When you call for a ‘medium’ or ‘rare’ steak, don’t freak the fuck out when you cut it and see blood. It makes you look like a pussy. I would know.

The Decree: In my line of let’s call it work, I’ve come across a few great restaurants, but I’ve never been to one I’ve genuinely loved more than Stacks And Racks, to meet people who care so much about excellent, fairly priced, quality food, when they could have just as easily ripped people off like most places do, is a humbling experience. I also stole some Barbecue Mayo and I feel really bad for that. Should you go to Stacks And Racks? Yes, please do.

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