Over the years, we’ve traversed the length and girth of this great city countless times in our search for gastronomic excellence. We’ve explored every bend, crossed every ridge and thrust ourselves into turgid crowds just to find and deliver to you that culinary climax, albeit with a vein of humour. Will future historians erect monuments in our honour, or will they chastise our swelling dysfunction? Only time will tell. There are rare occasions when we discover even more than we ever hoped for. This is the story of three secret, but incredible places, you’ll never hear of anywhere else;
Bono Boutique, Bandra
In the past, if a person ever told us they only ate organic artisanal ice cream, we would walk away in disgust. But after visiting Bono Boutique, we’re willing to at least hear them out. Tucked away in a small lane in Bandra, this interesting ice cream parlour doesn’t use any of the preservatives and vegetable oils mixed with paint thinner that we’ve come to expect from most so-called ice cream companies. Instead, what you get is a totally natural ice cream made from organic milk and flavours which taste like they were made from real ingredients. We particularly enjoyed their Salted Caramel, which has the unmistakeable bitter sweetness of burnt sugar.
A1 Fish Koliwada, Grant Road
Anyone who thinks we put any effort into anything we do on this website is a fool and an imbecile, and has fallen perfectly into our trap of pomp and deception. Most of the content we create we do under the influence of alcohol, while discussing Salman Khan’s career at shady bars. It was at one such bar, during a heated conversation about No Entry, that we overheard the gentlemen at the next table talking about the special fried rice A1 Fish Koliwada. A couple of days later, we found ourselves under a flyover in Grant Road, and we were pleasantly surprised. A1 Fish Koliwada has a large menu with every permutation of chinese, tandoori, and seafood koliwada they could think of. However, we recommend the special fried rice.
The Government Colleges Hostel Canteen, Churchgate
While a hostel canteen filled with lawyers isn’t close to the ideal setting for a good meal, you’ll learn to love Government Colleges Hostel Canteen, in all its unsanitary and splinter-filled glory. The food and milkshakes are very impressive; especially the truly inspired chinese biryani (pictured) and refreshing chikoo milkshake. Since this is still technically a college campus, you’ll have to look young enough to walk in without being questioned. There’s also there’s the small issue that they don’t allow women inside, it being a boy’s hostel. However, there are many more government-run canteens at municipal buildings throughout the city that serve fresh, cheap and delicious food.
Do you know a hidden restaurant that you think we should check out? Are subsidised government canteens made especially to feed the lower classes? Do you think penis jokes are in poor taste? Let us know on Instagram and we’ll be sure to take your suggestions to heart.