As nerds who only pretend to be cool online, we’ve always had a deep respect for the rich culture of the Japanese, whether it’s their game shows, cartoons, electronics, or schoolgirls. So you can imagine how ecstatic we were when we discovered that there was a super authentic Japanese restaurant hiding above Shopper’s Stop on Linking Road. Since the only currency this website runs on is smiles, we were never quite able allocate enough money to do a full review, so the project remained on hold until we got officially funded, or one of our our dads left his credit card on the dining table unattended for more than fifteen minutes; one of which happened last week.
The décor at Kofuku is convincing and surprisingly deep. There were plain wooden tables and chairs that highlighted the Japanese obsession with minimalist interior design, a mounted katana that symbolised the fact that the Japanese are a warrior culture, and smiling, waving porcelain cats all over the shelves, that reminded us that the Japanese are a very disturbed people. The staff greeted us in Japanese, which allowed us to showcase all the three words we knew, konichiwa, sayonara, and Godzilla; which Derrick over pronounced to the point it was offensive(the second L is silent). The only thing in the restaurant that wasn’t distinctly Japanese was the open wash basin, which is straight out of a Shiv Sagar.
Our table was enormous for anything in Bombay, and right in the centre was a palette of wasabi, horseradish and kimchi, as well as soy sauce; which was strategically placed there by the globalists conspiring to turn us into women. When we took a look at the menu, we were taken aback by the sheer amount of Japanese food that wasn’t sushi, which our liberal correspondent kindly informed us was racism. After fiddling with the chopsticks for a good fifteen minutes, we called for some forks and food; not knowing what adventures awaited us.
Prawn Teppanyaki Set
The Prawn Teppanyaki Set came with some of the biggest prawns we’ve seen to date, pan-fried in the traditional Japanese Teppanyaki style, along with some fried rice, Miso soup and Kimchi. The prawns were a bit spicy, and tasted suspiciously like soy, but we enjoyed them considerably. The Miso soup, on the other hand, was a little bland, so we weren’t particularly keen on it and kimchi is basically just rotting cabbage. Honestly, we think you’d be better off ordering the Prawn Teppanyaki all by itself and donating the 300 bucks you save to our website.
Shrimp Tempura Roll
The Shrimp Tempura Roll was by far our favourite item on the menu. It’s basically batter fried prawn wrapped in sushi. If it sounds incredibly delicious, that’s because it is. Kofuku were quite generous with their portions, so we’d definitely recommend it.
Despite the fact that it has way too many consonants in its name and isn’t even Japanese, we loved the Jjamppong because of the nice big prawns, noodles the size of snakes and the fact that it was just right amount of spicy even for Indian palates ruined by decades of masala.
The Decree: Kofuku isn’t just the nicest Japanese restaurant we’ve ever been to, it’s arguably one of the nicest restaurants we’ve ever been to, period. However, unless you’re a Japanese businessman eating off a naked woman, sushi is too delicate and brightly colored to eat with other men. It is, however, perfect for a date, because it’ll make you seem classy and because bitches love sushi; especially when its really good. The food was delicious, they genuinely seemed to care about the theme, and the service was incredible. Sure it was a bit on the pricey side, but honestly, it’s worth every penny; especially if it’s someone else’s money.