Soy, Pali Naka; Authentic, Low-T Asian Food

As small-time culinary grifters with years of experience tricking restaurateurs into giving us free food and drinks, we can safely stake our reputations on the obscure knowledge that most Indian Chinese food is nothing like the real deal. Our profound understanding of the culinary arts has led us to discover that authentic pan-asian food is far more flavourful, simple and fresh than its desi counterpart.

There are, of course, great high end restaurants that serve authentic oriental cuisine, but those rarely come up when you’re looking for a quick hit of that sweet, sweet MSG. What you would be hard-pressed to find anywhere in Mumbai however, is something in the middle; a fabled institution that serves great authentic Chinese food for what we would consider to be a reasonable price. Until now.

extremely fresh, clean and juicy prawn sui mai

We’ve received severe backlash for daring to suggest in the past that soy is part of a UN conspiracy to turn men into women. So naturally, you could only imagine how infuriated we were upon discovering that a restaurant bearing the name of the one thing we opposed above all else set up shop mere minutes away from our top secret Bandra headquarters.

tangy, fresh som tam salad, the only time it is acceptable for a man to eat papaya

At first we thought of throwing a brick through the window, but upon unanimously agreeing that it wasn’t extreme enough a reaction, we decided to unleash upon them a horror which was even worse; our physical presence. After working out for two hours to raise our testosterone levels so the soy wouldn’t turn us into liberals, we, posing as civilians, moved in to deal a decisive blow in the form of a review. Upon expertly interrogating the owner, we learned that his chef was the executive chef at the amazing Mango Tree in Juhu. We certainly admired the passion with which he spoke about delivering good food to the masses, but our wrath was beyond our control.

[update] Although the owner initially had noble intentions, he quickly fell prey to the profit jew, and raised prices only three weeks later. Money isn’t everything, kids.

Chef’s Special Barbecue Pork Ribs

The ribs were unlike anything we expected. They tasted like something you’d encounter on a bustling street in Singapore or Hong Kong, not the middle of Bandra, and certainly not for under 400 bucks. What really impressed us though, was the beautiful smoky taste and how flawlessly the meat fell away from the bone. We’ve had great ribs before, but nothing ever like this. Needless to say, we’d stumbled on something promising.

Gra Pao Chicken

Long-time readers of our site will undoubtedly know that whenever we do a restaurant review, we always make space for the most pungent item on the menu; regardless of the consequences. At Soy, that would be Gra Pao Chicken, stir-fried chicken mince with varying amounts of Thai chilli, garlic and basil. The flavour was intense, and spicy as hell, but it went down well with a side of fragrant Jasmine rice.

Garlic Butter Prawns

As veterans of the F&B industry & respected pioneers in the food-blogging community, we’ve tried Butter Garlic Prawns in the past. We’ve had some good Butter Garlic Prawns and we’ve had some great ones, but this one was by far the most eye opening. The prawns were fresh and perfectly fried, and were tossed in a divine mix of garlic, butter, red chillies, and crisp-fried kaffir lime leaves. This dish seems so simple, but has a truly international flavour and is one we highly recommend.

thai water chestnuts with shaved ice and coconut milk. refreshing, yet emasculating

We really liked Soy; not just the food, all of which was amazing, and the service, which was quick and no-nonsense, but the just whole idea of bringing reasonably priced authentic Asian food people to those who may have never experienced it otherwise. We even offered some constructive advice to the staff, such as adding more fish oil or vinegar to the Gra Pao Chicken, which sort of just missed the spot, chasing away beggars with a stick rather than simply offering them water, and of course, changing their stupid name. We want Soy to do well, they’re exactly what Bandra needs, and honestly, with all the atrazine in the water, a little soy in your diet should be the least of your worries.

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