Before we begin with yet another article about love, friendship, and self-discovery, it brings us great pleasure to announce that our website, the one you’re presumably reading at the moment, was awarded the title of ‘Best Restaurant Reviewers’ by the Food Blogger’s Association of India. We’d like to thank you for the continuous support you’ve shown us, in the form of amazing recommendations, insightful advice, and of course, tasteful nudes. Jokes aside, we’re really grateful to have been named the best Restaurant Review blog in the country, and we wouldn’t be here without you taking a few minutes out of your day to see what new nonsense we’re up to this time. We’d be nowhere without our readers, and we love every single one of you, even the women. All we can say is, we’re just getting started, and we hope to continue having the pleasure of your company as we resume our search for great food and cheap beer.
As is usually the case, our review of The Budapest Bakehouse was completely unplanned. The day started out innocently enough, with one of our associate editors luring us to an undisclosed location with promises of car magazines and loose women, only for us to discover it was a well-executed trap to get us to review Stomach. The less said about it, the better. After successfully escaping, we found ourselves near Khar Social, Mumbai’s untapped reserve of drunken teenagers. It was then that we spotted something we’d never seen before right next door. They call it The Budapest Bakehouse. Their choice of location was a bit strange, and it seems that their primary customer base is the brazen crowd leaving Social, Hoppipola, and Raasta, an odd group of people around which to base an entire business model; at least that’s what we’d we say if they weren’t this company’s target demographic too.
Upon expertly interrogating the staff, we learned that the only thing The Budapest Bakehouse serves is a Hungarian street food called Kürtőskalács, but we’re going to call them Chimney Cones because we only speak American. They told us the Chimney Cones were made from the same ingredients you’d find in a doughnut, only they’re shaped like, well, cones. The crust is crisp on the outside and soft and flaky on the inside, almost like a croissant, & they’re available in two variants, sweet or savoury. At first we thought Chimney Cones were just a marketing gimmick for pizza in a cone, which we absolutely detest, but apparently, they’re nothing alike.
Still high off our surprise victory at the IFBA, we decided spend a part Derrick the Intern’s retirement funds to order 4 cones. The BBQ, PBC, Coconutty, and Spicy Italian; and we enjoyed every single one of them. We’ve debated the most efficient ice cream payload delivery system in the past, and we’re happy to say that the delicious, crisp glazed chimney cones finished high above cookies. The fillings were great in their own right, but the cone’s uncanny ability to compliment the flavour of whatever we were eating, regardless of whether it was sweet or savoury was truly what won us over.
We’re going to be honest, everything we ate there was pretty amazing and it’s impossible for us to choose what we liked the most. And at the end of the day that’s irrelevant, because the subject isn’t so much the food we ate, but much rather the concept of it all. Yes there are going to be a bunch of opportunistic scoundrels with daddy’s money copying them verbatim within a week from now, but no one can ever take away from the fact that The Budapest Bakehouse has forever changed the culinary course of Mumbai; in this case, for the better.
The Decree: If you’re looking for some delicious cones made of garlic bread, that are quite unlike anything you’ve ever tried, we highly recommend the The Budapest Bakehouse. Just please don’t saturate Instagram with the pictures you take there. We hate to break it to you, but nobody cares.
